In positive psychology, Flow is one of the terms used to describe a joyful state of happiness. Hopefully everyone has had this happen to them at least once as an adult and probably multiple times as a child, whether or not they remember. When you are focused on something so deeply where you lose track of time, other noises, problems, etc... this is called Flow. The focus can be in a sport, art, a meaningful talk with someone, spending quality time with your children, something that has a goal you want to reach for. In a sport it would be to have fun and win, art would be to finish or continue the project you are working on; some people lose focus of the world around them because they are just spending time with their loved ones, or perfecting something like an instrument.
I relate the term Flow with a child. Most children are quite happy, sure they have their bad days, but even as babies their Flow is going strong. When a baby sees something and stares at it and holds it and plays with it for a long time, not noticing anything else because the child is so wrapped up in what this new exciting "thing" is. Can you remember as a child playing with your friends tag, hide-and-seek, or playing pretend house? And then all of a sudden your mom or dad calls for you because it's time to come in for dinner, or do homework, or something not as fun as what you were doing. That's Flow.
As adults, the Flow becomes harder to attain because there is so much going on in an adults life. Families, work, bills, and cleaning (although some people find cleaning very enjoyable and could spend hours doing it). This is why it is so important for adults to take time out of their normal day to day rituals and spend some time for themselves doing something they love.
Studies have shown that the more Flow you have, the better self-esteem you will have, the happier you will feel, and the better your life can be. That is why most children are just happy, rowdy, hyper, kids. They are in the Flow all the time. Everything is so new to them and they are experiencing the wonderful Flow life has to offer.
I remember as a teen, my Flow was the computer game Sims. I would spend HOURS UPON HOURS playing that game. I didn't play for controlling the people and making them fall in love, I played to create and design the houses. I would make these beautiful homes and landscape the front yard, and then I would look on the corner of my computer screen and see that it would be 3:00 in the morning and school started in four hours. As an adult, photography has been my Flow I have found. Pure happiness, with forgetting the world around me, no stress involved. It's just me and my camera.
Everyone has their own Flow and it's important to find it and use it. Take the time, to spend Flow time to break up the stresses of the world and give yourself some deserved happiness.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Thursday, February 9, 2012
OPTICAL DIET
Thinking about dieting? An interesting article I read was how to trick your mind when eating. Illusions can help how much you eat. An average size at home dinner plate is 9"- 10";where as in the early 1900's they were as small as 7". As years have passed, the plate sizes have too. Restaurant dishes are usually 10"-11". Although you do not need to overload the plate with food, most people want to see a plate filled with food, not skimpy portions. To trick your mind and eyes, get a smaller plate and fill it with food. You are eating less food than you would by filling a larger plate. A lot of people take more amounts of food that aren't intended because they want to feel satisfied and full by making sure there is enough food on their plate. Although people may be full, if there is still food on their plates, they will continue eating the food until it's all gone. By using a smaller plate, you will be eating less and finishing your plate but not feeling overstuffed.
Color is another type of mind trickery you can use to eat less. Studies have shown that red is a sign of sweetness, like ripe fruit. Try putting red food coloring in certain recipies instead of a lot of sugar to make your eyes appeal to the color and trick your mind into thinking it is sweet.
Seeing pictures of food will make you hungry, especially if they are delicious desserts. There are findings of a hormone called ghrelin, that makes you feel hungrier and eat more when seeing pictures of food. A tip when grocery shopping, is to eat before going so you won't be hungry. When you are hungry and grocery shopping, everything sounds good and you will then buy foods you are trying to stay away from and overspend on your budget.
Keep healthy food in your kitchen at eye level. When you go into your fridge, what are the first things you see? Is it the chococlate cake or a bowl of cut strawberries? Your eyes see what is at eye level first. Put the healthy stuff in front of the sugary fattenting foods.
Although this is not an optical illusion with eating, but reminding yourself about your "routine" and eating habits you would like to start can help. Tell yourself before every meal what you want to be aware of, whatever it might be.
To read this article: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2012/01/28/145865238/deception-diet-how-optical-illusions-can-trick-your-appetite?ft=1&f=1007
Color is another type of mind trickery you can use to eat less. Studies have shown that red is a sign of sweetness, like ripe fruit. Try putting red food coloring in certain recipies instead of a lot of sugar to make your eyes appeal to the color and trick your mind into thinking it is sweet.
Seeing pictures of food will make you hungry, especially if they are delicious desserts. There are findings of a hormone called ghrelin, that makes you feel hungrier and eat more when seeing pictures of food. A tip when grocery shopping, is to eat before going so you won't be hungry. When you are hungry and grocery shopping, everything sounds good and you will then buy foods you are trying to stay away from and overspend on your budget.
Keep healthy food in your kitchen at eye level. When you go into your fridge, what are the first things you see? Is it the chococlate cake or a bowl of cut strawberries? Your eyes see what is at eye level first. Put the healthy stuff in front of the sugary fattenting foods.
Although this is not an optical illusion with eating, but reminding yourself about your "routine" and eating habits you would like to start can help. Tell yourself before every meal what you want to be aware of, whatever it might be.
To read this article: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thesalt/2012/01/28/145865238/deception-diet-how-optical-illusions-can-trick-your-appetite?ft=1&f=1007
Sunday, February 5, 2012
WHAT ANNOYS US
I read an interview about Joe Palca who wrote the book about annoying science. At some point I will read this book that he has written. Here are a few things Joe said in his interview.
UNPLEASANT, UNPREDICTABLE, UNCERTAIN DURATION
These three "U's" are what Joe Palca has said to be the answers of why things annoy us. This topic is understudied and Joe wanted to do more research. He just finished a book, "ANNOYING, The Science of What Bugs Us"
Joe states that in his findings about what annoys people, is that the annoyance is unpleasant. Not deadly or harmful, just unpleasant. It is unpredictable. If you are walking down the street and see from a distance or hear something that annoys you, you are able to get away from that area. If you are in a confined area, (subway, elevator, etc...) and an annoyance occurs, it is unpredictable which makes it hard to get away from that annoying subject. What makes it worse is the uncertain duration. If you are in an area where you can't leave to get away from the annoyance, the uncertain time left that you have to live with the annoyingness could be awhile. Although there are things that don't have these certain "U's" but in most cases those are the three things that make something annoying to somebody.
Another thing Joe states was that, "What annoys you is more revealing about you, than about the thing that's annoying you." Joe tried to get into the people's mind of why certain things annoyed them. Did it have to with a certain person, their past, an event, etc...
A question during Joe's interview was whether or not anger had to do with things that annoy people. Joe claims that it is a separate feeling. It is in the frustration category. There can be states of anger and annoyances that can overlap but Palca says, annoying sits in it's own category. There is nothing to get away from annoying things, but how to react or ignore it is the trick.
The book talks deeper and tells more information about the science of annoyance. I find this interesting and would like to know more about what information Joe Palca has found.
To read the full interview/article:
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/11/annoying-science.aspx
UNPLEASANT, UNPREDICTABLE, UNCERTAIN DURATION
These three "U's" are what Joe Palca has said to be the answers of why things annoy us. This topic is understudied and Joe wanted to do more research. He just finished a book, "ANNOYING, The Science of What Bugs Us"
Joe states that in his findings about what annoys people, is that the annoyance is unpleasant. Not deadly or harmful, just unpleasant. It is unpredictable. If you are walking down the street and see from a distance or hear something that annoys you, you are able to get away from that area. If you are in a confined area, (subway, elevator, etc...) and an annoyance occurs, it is unpredictable which makes it hard to get away from that annoying subject. What makes it worse is the uncertain duration. If you are in an area where you can't leave to get away from the annoyance, the uncertain time left that you have to live with the annoyingness could be awhile. Although there are things that don't have these certain "U's" but in most cases those are the three things that make something annoying to somebody.
Another thing Joe states was that, "What annoys you is more revealing about you, than about the thing that's annoying you." Joe tried to get into the people's mind of why certain things annoyed them. Did it have to with a certain person, their past, an event, etc...
A question during Joe's interview was whether or not anger had to do with things that annoy people. Joe claims that it is a separate feeling. It is in the frustration category. There can be states of anger and annoyances that can overlap but Palca says, annoying sits in it's own category. There is nothing to get away from annoying things, but how to react or ignore it is the trick.
The book talks deeper and tells more information about the science of annoyance. I find this interesting and would like to know more about what information Joe Palca has found.
To read the full interview/article:
http://www.apa.org/monitor/2011/11/annoying-science.aspx
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
ARTICLE ON RELATIONSHIPS
I read an article online from Psychology Today about relationships. Because I have never been in a true relationship/love/marriage/etc... I found this article to be very helpful and interesting. If you are already married or are divorced this article will give you some ideas that maybe you haven't thought about. I copied certain sections that I found to be insightful. To read the full article here is the website.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201112/are-you-the-right-mate
"You can't change another person. You can only change yourself."
I absolutely love this quote because it is so true.
Sooner or later, there comes a moment in all relationships when you lie in bed, roll over, look at the person next to you and think it's all a dreadful mistake.
What to do when the initial attraction sours? "I call it the first day of your real marriage," Real says. It's not a sign that you've chosen the wrong partner. It is the signal to grow as an individual—to take responsibility for your own frustrations. Invariably, we yearn for perfection but are stuck with an imperfect human being. We all fall in love with people we think will deliver us from life's wounds but who wind up knowing how to rub against us. You conclude you've married the wrong person—but that's because you're accustomed to thinking, Cinderella-like, that there is only one right person. The consequences of such a pervasive belief are harsh. We engage in destructive behaviors, like blaming our partner for our unhappiness or searching for someone outside the relationship.
I love how it says we are stuck with an imperfect human being. I want to marry someone perfect for me. Someone that will always make me happy, which is why I haven't found someone. I forget that nobody is perfect and I have to focus on the good things, not all the negative. And most importantly, it is my job to keep myself happy. Nobody can do it for me.
In mature love, says Meinecke, "we do not look to our partner to provide our happiness, and we don't blame them for our unhappiness. We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark moods." No one is going to get all their needs met in a relationship, he insists. He urges fundamental acceptance of the person we choose and the one who chooses us. "We're all flawed "You don't have a line-item veto when it comes to your partner. It's a package deal; the bad comes with the good."
I love "it's a package deal; the bad comes with the good." I understand that, but I always think what if my spouse doesn't want a package deal with the bad I have? Will he be turned off and not date me or later in life divorce me?
"Sometimes marriage is going to be a source of pain and sorrow," says Givertz. "And that's necessary for personal and interpersonal growth." In fact, it's impossible to be deliriously happy in marriage every moment if you are doing anything at all challenging in life. "We're all difficult. Everyone who is married is a difficult spouse. We emphasize that our spouse is difficult and forget how we're difficult for them." If you want to have a mate in your life, he notes, you're going to have to go through the process of idealization and disillusionment.
I hope someday soon, because I am not getting any younger, that at some point, I will find someone. Love them for who they are, their good and bad qualitites and that it will be like that for me in return. Nobody's perfect, no matter how hard you try, it's impossible. We all have space to grow and improve.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201112/are-you-the-right-mate
"You can't change another person. You can only change yourself."
I absolutely love this quote because it is so true.
Sooner or later, there comes a moment in all relationships when you lie in bed, roll over, look at the person next to you and think it's all a dreadful mistake.
What to do when the initial attraction sours? "I call it the first day of your real marriage," Real says. It's not a sign that you've chosen the wrong partner. It is the signal to grow as an individual—to take responsibility for your own frustrations. Invariably, we yearn for perfection but are stuck with an imperfect human being. We all fall in love with people we think will deliver us from life's wounds but who wind up knowing how to rub against us. You conclude you've married the wrong person—but that's because you're accustomed to thinking, Cinderella-like, that there is only one right person. The consequences of such a pervasive belief are harsh. We engage in destructive behaviors, like blaming our partner for our unhappiness or searching for someone outside the relationship.
I love how it says we are stuck with an imperfect human being. I want to marry someone perfect for me. Someone that will always make me happy, which is why I haven't found someone. I forget that nobody is perfect and I have to focus on the good things, not all the negative. And most importantly, it is my job to keep myself happy. Nobody can do it for me.
In mature love, says Meinecke, "we do not look to our partner to provide our happiness, and we don't blame them for our unhappiness. We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark moods." No one is going to get all their needs met in a relationship, he insists. He urges fundamental acceptance of the person we choose and the one who chooses us. "We're all flawed "You don't have a line-item veto when it comes to your partner. It's a package deal; the bad comes with the good."
I love "it's a package deal; the bad comes with the good." I understand that, but I always think what if my spouse doesn't want a package deal with the bad I have? Will he be turned off and not date me or later in life divorce me?
"Sometimes marriage is going to be a source of pain and sorrow," says Givertz. "And that's necessary for personal and interpersonal growth." In fact, it's impossible to be deliriously happy in marriage every moment if you are doing anything at all challenging in life. "We're all difficult. Everyone who is married is a difficult spouse. We emphasize that our spouse is difficult and forget how we're difficult for them." If you want to have a mate in your life, he notes, you're going to have to go through the process of idealization and disillusionment.
I hope someday soon, because I am not getting any younger, that at some point, I will find someone. Love them for who they are, their good and bad qualitites and that it will be like that for me in return. Nobody's perfect, no matter how hard you try, it's impossible. We all have space to grow and improve.
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