ARTICLE ON RELATIONSHIPS

I read an article online from Psychology Today about relationships.  Because I have never been in a true relationship/love/marriage/etc... I found this article to be very helpful and interesting.  If you are already married or are divorced this article will give you some ideas that maybe you haven't thought about.  I copied certain sections that I found to be insightful.  To read the full article here is the website.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201112/are-you-the-right-mate


 "You can't change another person. You can only change yourself."
 I absolutely love this quote because it is so true.


Sooner or later, there comes a moment in all relationships when you lie in bed, roll over, look at the person next to you and think it's all a dreadful mistake.
What to do when the initial attraction sours? "I call it the first day of your real marriage," Real says. It's not a sign that you've chosen the wrong partner. It is the signal to grow as an individual—to take responsibility for your own frustrations. Invariably, we yearn for perfection but are stuck with an imperfect human being. We all fall in love with people we think will deliver us from life's wounds but who wind up knowing how to rub against us.  You conclude you've married the wrong person—but that's because you're accustomed to thinking, Cinderella-like, that there is only one right person. The consequences of such a pervasive belief are harsh.  We engage in destructive behaviors, like blaming our partner for our unhappiness or searching for someone outside the relationship.

I love how it says we are stuck with an imperfect human being.  I want to marry someone perfect for me. Someone that will always make me happy, which is why I haven't found someone.  I forget that nobody is perfect and I have to focus on the good things, not all the negative. And most importantly, it is my job to keep myself happy.  Nobody can do it for me.

In mature love, says Meinecke, "we do not look to our partner to provide our happiness, and we don't blame them for our unhappiness. We take responsibility for the expectations that we carry, for our own negative emotional reactions, for our own insecurities, and for our own dark moods."   No one is going to get all their needs met in a relationship, he insists. He urges fundamental acceptance of the person we choose and the one who chooses us. "We're all flawed "You don't have a line-item veto when it comes to your partner. It's a package deal; the bad comes with the good."


I love "it's a package deal; the bad comes with the good."  I understand that, but I always think what if my spouse doesn't want a package deal with the bad I have?  Will he be turned off and not date me or later in life divorce me? 


"Sometimes marriage is going to be a source of pain and sorrow," says Givertz. "And that's necessary for personal and interpersonal growth." In fact, it's impossible to be deliriously happy in marriage every moment if you are doing anything at all challenging in life.  "We're all difficult. Everyone who is married is a difficult spouse. We emphasize that our spouse is difficult and forget how we're difficult for them." If you want to have a mate in your life, he notes, you're going to have to go through the process of idealization and disillusionment.


I hope someday soon, because I am not getting any younger, that at some point, I will find someone.  Love them for who they are, their good and bad qualitites and that it will be like that for me in return.  Nobody's perfect, no matter how hard you try, it's impossible.  We all have space to grow and improve.